Moms In Charge

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Other People’s Children

on May 8, 2012

“My son is acting like other people’s children,” my best friend, Jill, would say to me.

I didn’t have kids at the time and I thought this was hilarious.

She and I, as single gals, judged other moms  as they were out with what seemed to us at the time to be bratty little misbehaved kids who the parents just needed to get in control.

We had many talks about this and thought we had it all figured out.
Of course, after we both had our kids, they somehow started acting “like other peoples children” and this has been a running joke to us for years.

When I had my first child, I was unprepared in many ways for what I was about to experience.

I was a single mom and my daughter came into the world with a beautiful pink color and healthy strong cry. I remember going from “‘Aw, she’s crying’ to ‘can you make it stop, please?'”.

This was the beginning of an interesting journey that I found myself on.

The scenario with a new baby I had created in my mind was supposed to be filled with lots of cuddles and kisses, taking her out to show her off and full of joy.

However, my little baby seemed to have supersonic senses. I kept my little one bedroom apartment dark and cave-like so she would sleep.

Noises would upset her so much that I had to give away my African grey bird companion I had had for 7 years.


Taking her for walks was always an interesting experience and I was envious of the other Mommies I would pass who had quiet contented babies while mine would scream at any loud noise or what seemed like even randomly.

We jokingly called her “stiff arm” because she would nurse with arm pressed against me to keep any unwanted snuggles or touches from me away.

Although I knew my little baby was sensitive, I just chalked it up to “that’s my girl.”

And even though there have been signs that pointed to her having issues that needed attention, I had no idea what they were.

Interestingly, as I would hear of other moms having problems with their kids or getting a diagnosis, I would feel sympathy but at the same time have the feeling deep inside, “I’m so lucky that it’s other people’s children.”

For some reason I was in denial of what was happening right before my eyes with my own child.

My husband and I believed it must be us. We thought the behavior that we saw in her was more isolated to us.

We were unaware that she had been having similar challenges at school until we got her school evaluation toward the end of the year.

Suddenly the last 7 years turned into a technicolor movie playing in my mind.

The next few months became a series of scrambling to figure out what was going on with our little  “mini” and formulating the best strategies to help her and us traverse this road we had newly discovered.

Although I am not going to attach a diagnosis to formally label her,  beginning to recognize her special needs and taking necessary action to help us through them has led me into a place of greater compassion and understanding.

More and more kids are showing signs of being on the spectrum of autism and along with that, having “Sensory Processing Disorder”.

Gaining a better understanding of these kids, what may be contributing to it and learning strategies to optimal functioning is key to living a healthy vibrant life with sanity and peace.

I am just at the beginning of this process…still trying to catch my breath and grasp what it all means.

But for now I feel alive with greater understanding and compassion for the moms who struggle everyday with challenges greater than me.

My hope is if you are struggling with issues with a child that just “doesn’t seem right,” you can be led to discovering strategies to implement to help you and your child at an early age.

If you are a mom who is going through struggles parenting a child, have been beating yourself up and feeling helpless and discouraged because nothing seems to work, there are hope and answers.  It may not be your lack of parenting skills or a “defiant” child, but rather deeper issues that can be resolved with professional guidance.

Who knows where this path will lead, but I have already been comforted and supported by those moms of “other people’s children” who have reached out to take my hand and let me know “it’s going to be ok”.

I highly recommend if you have been struggling with these types of behaviors to check out an occupational sensory therapist who is qualified to test your child and guide you to the resources you need to help you through your parenting experience.

http://www.sinetwork.org/about-sensory-processing-disorder.html

http://www.launchpadtherapyforkids.com/

http://www.kellymckinnonassociates.com/gettingtotheheart.html

 

Blessings,

Dotty  🙂

 

Dotty Cropped2By: Dotty Hagmier, RN, BSN, CHC

As the president and founder of Moms in Charge and also a mom of three beautiful children, Dotty’s passion is to guide families into a place that will provide them with the best possible choices to raise healthy and vibrant children.

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